Well Since there is no couch or viable furniture in my house anymore, we don’t hang around the house much. As a result Mommy and Daddy decided to take me to my first visit at the zoo. As always, I would just as much rather stay at home and eat than go anywhere, but I figured hey I can eat in the Snuggli, why not give it a go. So off we went to the zoo. Ah free day at the zoo- always a trip. The first obstacle- parking. By the time we got to the zoo parking lot, I was mad- and throwing a fit. I was crying and screaming, it must have worked because some lady on her cell phone heard and was calling for help- mommy noticed the lady walking by her car and turned on her blinker- turns out they weren’t leaving just coordinating. But the person right next to them was leaving and we pulled right in- about 3 spots from the Zoo entrance- SCORE!
By now Daddy had done a Chinese Fire drill and calmed me down. Then there was the ordeal of packing up the snuggli, the stroller, the diaper bag and the baby. 30 minutes later we were in the zoo. Daddy wanted to show me aminalz from his mission so we went to the tropical discovery exhibit first. There is a frog there that only lives in Paraguay that daddy wanted to show me. We looked all over but were unsuccessful in locating it. I did get to see the inside of my eyelids a lot though. My neck was kiltered at a crazy angle as I slept right through the deadly snakes exhibit. I was stirring a bit by the time we got to Nemo and Dori but mommy and daddy mostly enjoyed Nemo. Mommy kept saying, “just keep swimming.” Everyone wondered how old I was and again more people assumed I was a girl. Maybe I should grow some facial hair.
Later we went to the Pachyderm house. As we approached I started squealing and squalling, yelling at the top of my lungs- Daddy said, maybe the smell is getting to him? Well kind of- I had a surprise for mommy. You see the pachyderm house is famous for….how shall I put it…excrement. I smelled all the poop and the enormous quantities and I thought hey whatever those animals can do- I can do better.
Meanwhile mommy and daddy are baffled as to why I was so cranky- they would find out at the bird house.
Blowout. Webster’s defines it as “ an event resulting from intense, overbearing pressure caused by some immediate, grave sudden change in the balance between inside and outside forces which causes a release, often violent, of pent up gases, solids and energy.”
Yep up my shirt, all over my legs, straight through the diaper. I was pretty impressed with myself and was laughing internally when mommy had to clean it up. But after that man did I feel better. I got my patented old man/Mr. Rogers sweater on and I was fine for the rest of the trip. The Monos were kinda aburrido, and many of the gatos were inside. What’s with the Spanish you say? Well it was the official language of the zoo it seemed…
It was a fun day at the zoo. Mommy and Daddy got some exercise, Daddy got to spend time with his family and we had some fun. On the way home though Mommy forgot to buckle me into my car seat. I screamed in protest but my dense daddy just thought it meant I wanted a bottle. So he stuck a bottle back there I sucked on it because that’s what I always do, yet the problem remained. I could see the straps that normally go on my shoulders, dangling lifelessly above my head. I kept crying and my too dense daddy decided he was frustrated so he dives- the car is moving mind you- into the back seat, jumping right over the top of me. He lands on the side of the car with all the junk on it so he’s not able to sit down. So now if there’s a car wreck we’re both goners. Eventually I figure if my daddy is too dumb to figure this out, I’m not gonna worry and I fall asleep. Nothin happened and we arrived home safely. Except when we got there, there were 4 or 5 squad cars from social services waiting to haul my daddy away.
By now Daddy had done a Chinese Fire drill and calmed me down. Then there was the ordeal of packing up the snuggli, the stroller, the diaper bag and the baby. 30 minutes later we were in the zoo. Daddy wanted to show me aminalz from his mission so we went to the tropical discovery exhibit first. There is a frog there that only lives in Paraguay that daddy wanted to show me. We looked all over but were unsuccessful in locating it. I did get to see the inside of my eyelids a lot though. My neck was kiltered at a crazy angle as I slept right through the deadly snakes exhibit. I was stirring a bit by the time we got to Nemo and Dori but mommy and daddy mostly enjoyed Nemo. Mommy kept saying, “just keep swimming.” Everyone wondered how old I was and again more people assumed I was a girl. Maybe I should grow some facial hair.
Later we went to the Pachyderm house. As we approached I started squealing and squalling, yelling at the top of my lungs- Daddy said, maybe the smell is getting to him? Well kind of- I had a surprise for mommy. You see the pachyderm house is famous for….how shall I put it…excrement. I smelled all the poop and the enormous quantities and I thought hey whatever those animals can do- I can do better.
Meanwhile mommy and daddy are baffled as to why I was so cranky- they would find out at the bird house.
Blowout. Webster’s defines it as “ an event resulting from intense, overbearing pressure caused by some immediate, grave sudden change in the balance between inside and outside forces which causes a release, often violent, of pent up gases, solids and energy.”
Yep up my shirt, all over my legs, straight through the diaper. I was pretty impressed with myself and was laughing internally when mommy had to clean it up. But after that man did I feel better. I got my patented old man/Mr. Rogers sweater on and I was fine for the rest of the trip. The Monos were kinda aburrido, and many of the gatos were inside. What’s with the Spanish you say? Well it was the official language of the zoo it seemed…
It was a fun day at the zoo. Mommy and Daddy got some exercise, Daddy got to spend time with his family and we had some fun. On the way home though Mommy forgot to buckle me into my car seat. I screamed in protest but my dense daddy just thought it meant I wanted a bottle. So he stuck a bottle back there I sucked on it because that’s what I always do, yet the problem remained. I could see the straps that normally go on my shoulders, dangling lifelessly above my head. I kept crying and my too dense daddy decided he was frustrated so he dives- the car is moving mind you- into the back seat, jumping right over the top of me. He lands on the side of the car with all the junk on it so he’s not able to sit down. So now if there’s a car wreck we’re both goners. Eventually I figure if my daddy is too dumb to figure this out, I’m not gonna worry and I fall asleep. Nothin happened and we arrived home safely. Except when we got there, there were 4 or 5 squad cars from social services waiting to haul my daddy away.
