Live From New York

Part III- Got a Barrel?

So after all the church history we could handle- it was time to head into another country. I told you it was a world tour, not just the US. So we headed off to Niagara Falls, Canada. We had a large Hotel Suite right up against the water (well as close as you could get anyway) Upon arrival we straight to the Hotel which was easy to see but hard to get to. Immediately upon crossing the border, it became apparent to me that Niagara Falls Canada resembled Las Vegas. Hotels, Casino, just the overall tourist vibe, it just seemed like Vegas. And for the record, I hate Vegas.

But our Hotel was nice. We paid extra money to get a room with a view of the falls which I guess some people enjoyed- I ended up sleeping on the couch in the living room because I was indifferent to the falls view. Joseph and William joined me as well. So after unpacking our stuff we headed up to the Manager’s reception (lame) and William played a hunting game. Later I got confused by the French signs and ended up in the girl’s bathroom. No one saw me fortunately, but it was still embarrassing.

Then we headed down toward the falls, which we thought would be a quick walk down the hill from our hotel- only the hill was really steep and there was no pathway. The only easy way to get down was to take the little tram that was 2$ each. So we thought ok we’ll walk down. Well you have to walk down the entire freaking strip! It was a good 30 minute walk before there was a place down.

We finally made it down and saw the falls. Again because of the Vegas vibe I really wasn’t that impressed with them. They were cool but you’re just as well google imaging Niagara Falls. But it was time with my family and a truly scenic place so it was alright. We took a bunch of fotos. Joseph would never look at the camera. We eventually made it down to the horseshoe falls and faced a conundrum- walk all the way back or take the shuttle which lets off right at our hotel. The Waffler on our trip didn’t know what she wanted to do but in the end we decided to take the tram- about 30 seconds long…

We got back and we were going to eat but first I had to charge the camera. So in the data center I went and charged, deciding what to do for the fireworks. They informed me that the fireworks were over the American falls and thus, would not be visible from our hotel room. I shared this news with the ladies and they were none too pleased. Finally we decided to walk back down(!) which honestly this time didn’t seem as bad.

Roles of the Trip
The Bad Driver
The Requested yet Denied Driver
The Waffler
The Baby
The 10$ Sandwhich Man
The Leader
The Navigator
The Brains
The Money
So we got down the hill and onto a grassy spot in front of the Falls. The falls were cooler at night and down here. The Fireworks went off- just as Joseph was drifting off. So he woke up and we watched the fireworks- pretty cool, yet pretty Vegas. It all seemed so…Bellagio. We decided to walk down to the horseshoe falls to see those at night too. By the time we got there, much like our trip to Vegas and Caesar’s Palace, we were exhausted and the tram wasn’t running so it was time to walk back.

Well William “$10 Sandwhich Man” was hungry and so as we got back up the hill he stopped into his second favorite restaurant ever- Subway. Similar to Vegas, the sub prices were touristy, but William was undaunted. He went in and ordered his classic Ham footlong. The guy told him the price and said that you’re in Canada pal, the dollar is worth less (not worthless) here and so the sandwhich was more. A footlong that costs 5$ just a few hundred feet away cost him $10. The Canada guy totally screwed him and tricked him on the conversion because US money is worth more than Canadian- the sandwhich should have been LESS! The Brains and The Money were toot tired to prevent this, so from this day forward, William is $10 Sandwhich Man.

Finally bed time. As we arrived back at the hotel, The Driver was coming out of the shower all clean- rather than put Pjs on, he put going out clothes on. Are you really going out? We all asked, and he was dead serious. While I couldn’t take 1 more step, I guess he was going out for a night on the town.

And he wasn’t the only one-$10SM ($10 Sandwhich Man’s Rap Name) decided he wanted to explore the hotel. This was all going on whilst I and Joseph slept soundly- him in his cute crib and me on both stacks of couch pillows because I was not going to “sleep” on the hide-a-bed. So $10SM went out and got a free game of golf at the arcade, sent some emails in the business center, and hung out. This alarmed his Mom and Her Mom who went out looking for $10SM. He was fine and by the time I woke up he was back in his bed. Perhaps he was out pimping his street cred as a major playa in the Sandwhich Market.

Then we had Breakfast at the little nook which again, had falls views. I kept looking for Superman to show up and in fact, I even pushed a kid into the falls just to provoke Superman to come. Maybe he was busy fighting himself in a Junkyard, but he never came. The food at breakfast was pretty good and I got pretty stuffed. Even Joseph got full. Sadly there was no $10 Subs on the menu…

Then we had to book it to the U.S. side as this was (supposed to be) our last day of the trip. There was controversy of whether we should ride the Maid of the Mist, and in the end The Brain/The Leader (guess who that one is) decided to sacrifice trying to get a Canada passport stamp and go on the boat ride.

By the way the US side was infinitely better. You can get like 5 feet away from the falls- everything was cleaner, more natural and cheaper- they weren’t just pimping out the natural resource and it looked well cared for. We went on Maid of the Mist and got us all ponchos. They even had a cute Joseph sized one which would be even cuter if he was looking at the camera. We got pretty wet and Joseph went from John McCain hair to newborn hair he got so wet- which we didn’t like too much. But he did enjoy holding the rail and trying to squeeze through it.

After Maid of the Mist (the highlight of Niagara by far) we had to book it for the airports. We dropped the first half of our party off no problem. Then for some reason The Requested Yet Denied Driver freaks out on us and practically yells at us- “GET IN THE CAR WE HAVE TO MOVE NOW WE’LL NEVER MAKE IT” (We had like 3 hours or something) Weird.

Famous quotes from the trip
“25, 25, 25 ,25 25”
“Why isn’t Annie driving again?”
“I want some Subway”
“Da-da-da-daaaaaaaaaaaaa”
“Man this trip is going to be expensive”
“FOR-EV-ER”
“Do you guys know what a Taco is?”

So we finally clam this mystery person who’s name rhymes with Bannie down and convince her we have time to make our flight. But first we have to stop by the airport and get gas. So I gas up the Van whilst TRYDD goes in to go pee- Lo and Behold they have, what else, a Subway at this gas station. We were all hungry- especially $10SM (guess what he ordered) so we ordered a sandwhich each.

I think actually riding a subway to a NY Deli, then riding another Subway to a meat plant and so on to acquire the ingredients to make the sandwhiches would have been faster. $10SM tried to use his Sandwhich cred to speed the guy along but seriously this dude took like 30 minutes to make 2 Subs. I thought about kicking him an extra $4 to make thing go along faster but I didn’t think I could live with the burden of being $10SM2.

Finally we made it to the airport. You’d think our trip ends there, or that there is a paragraph that says and then we flew home without incident- but you’d be wrong…