Greetings friends. I come to you in my role as educator and academia to expound upon you and enlighten your minds to a phenomenon observed, tested and proven through rigorous application of the Scientific Method. You know of the theory of relativity, and the theory of gravity. Just as pertinent and just as beneficial to society and understanding is the theory of the Ward Weirdo.
Think about it. When you are at church on fast and testimony meeting, look around you. Now I want you to picture yourself there, in the chapel, digesting the bread, zoning out, finding Waldo. The Bishop then opens the time to you, the congregation…then it happens that one guy (or girl) gets up and you cringe. Somehow he gets up every month, and somehow he is A.) Still a member and B.) is still allowed to do so. He’ll get up there and give a southern Baptist testimony, or a testimony of who we should vote for, or some other borderline false doctrine. In fact in South America, it could be argued that the whole church is the Ward Weirdo.
I have found in my studies that WITHOUT EXCEPTION, every Ward, Branch or Congregation has a Ward Weirdo- more shocking is that it is an actual calling carried out in secrecy and endorsed by the Knights Templar as such. The Ward Weirdo can never reveal themselves directly, however the signs of their existence are clear. The reason I know this is because I am a Ward Weirdo Magnet. They always find me. Always.
Case in Point: the place Puerto Panasco Mexico. The time: A few years ago. Went down to Mexico to camp on the beach (ugh) went to church. Was enjoying the meetings, went to Sunday school and of ocurse because I speak Spanish, I was sort of an anomaly. Then it happened- the Ward Weirdo. He was speaking about some incoherent idea, that I didn’t really care to hear about. Sure enough this was the Ward Weirdo.
Another example in the desert of Nevada in 1947 it is believed a “weather balloon” crashed outside of Roswell New Mexico. That’s what the government wants us to think. It wasn’t an alien, it was a Ward Weirdo- probably from the Roswell third Ward. Though there were skeptics an autopsy performed live on Fox revealed the “alien” to be the suspected Ward Weirdo from the Roswell 3rd Ward.
So that brings us to our Ward…the Northridge Ward, Highlands Ranch Stake. We had one, oh we certainly had one- gave the “most Southern Baptist Testimony Ever.” But he moved. So the succession of Ward Weirdness must be preserved, so we began asking who is the Ward Weirdo in our Ward?
The answer shocked me…and rattled me to my core. To be Continued…
Think about it. When you are at church on fast and testimony meeting, look around you. Now I want you to picture yourself there, in the chapel, digesting the bread, zoning out, finding Waldo. The Bishop then opens the time to you, the congregation…then it happens that one guy (or girl) gets up and you cringe. Somehow he gets up every month, and somehow he is A.) Still a member and B.) is still allowed to do so. He’ll get up there and give a southern Baptist testimony, or a testimony of who we should vote for, or some other borderline false doctrine. In fact in South America, it could be argued that the whole church is the Ward Weirdo.
I have found in my studies that WITHOUT EXCEPTION, every Ward, Branch or Congregation has a Ward Weirdo- more shocking is that it is an actual calling carried out in secrecy and endorsed by the Knights Templar as such. The Ward Weirdo can never reveal themselves directly, however the signs of their existence are clear. The reason I know this is because I am a Ward Weirdo Magnet. They always find me. Always.
Case in Point: the place Puerto Panasco Mexico. The time: A few years ago. Went down to Mexico to camp on the beach (ugh) went to church. Was enjoying the meetings, went to Sunday school and of ocurse because I speak Spanish, I was sort of an anomaly. Then it happened- the Ward Weirdo. He was speaking about some incoherent idea, that I didn’t really care to hear about. Sure enough this was the Ward Weirdo.
Another example in the desert of Nevada in 1947 it is believed a “weather balloon” crashed outside of Roswell New Mexico. That’s what the government wants us to think. It wasn’t an alien, it was a Ward Weirdo- probably from the Roswell third Ward. Though there were skeptics an autopsy performed live on Fox revealed the “alien” to be the suspected Ward Weirdo from the Roswell 3rd Ward.
So that brings us to our Ward…the Northridge Ward, Highlands Ranch Stake. We had one, oh we certainly had one- gave the “most Southern Baptist Testimony Ever.” But he moved. So the succession of Ward Weirdness must be preserved, so we began asking who is the Ward Weirdo in our Ward?
The answer shocked me…and rattled me to my core. To be Continued…
1 comment:
You know what they say, if you can't find the party pooper then you are him! I think that applies to the Ward Weirdo too! ;-)
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